Just when I thought I was in a good spiritual place, I tripped.
I have been praying, going to Mass and adoration, reading a lot of St. Faustina, etc. and I felt confident that nothing could shake me.
I thought I have already been through the worst -- the last year has been traumatic.
Today, in fact, a few minutes ago, I received an email about an order of books. I did something really stupid and shipped them to the wrong place. It'll be really ANNOYING to fix this issue since the books have already been shipped and from different sources. However, in comparison to all the other anxieties in my life, this is nothing. If it was an earthquake it would about 1.0 Mag, barely felt or worth noting.
However, I lost all my peace.
I was angry. My attitude was: "Yes, God. I only want THIS much suffering. And You already gave it to me. I have had my share. ENOUGH."
In these few moments, I realized that I was once again trying to conform God's Will to my will. My will is that things go well in my life, maybe a hang up every here and there, but nothing constant and nothing to stretch me or to tip the scales.
However, who am I to have this attitude towards God, who Wills my very existence? I may not understand His plan for me, but I am nothing without Him. He never promised me that I would have any earthly consolations. I assumed I have "rights" to happiness, peace, love, etc.,. and I am angry when I don't get these. Rather, to be a Christian it means to give up the "rights" to my own life.
This shipment issue is still annoying, but I have wiped away the tears and now I say, "Thank you, Jesus, for another opportunity to carry my cross and unite myself to You in love."
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial among you, which comes upon you to prove you, as though a strange thing happened unto you: but insomuch as you are partakers of Christ's sufferings, rejoice; that at the revelation of his glory also you may rejoice with exceeding joy. - 1 Peter 4:12
Count it all joy, my brethren, when you fall into manifold temptations. - James 1:2
Fr. John Riccardo talks about when life doesn't make sense: A Tapestry of Chaos and Suffering
I have been praying, going to Mass and adoration, reading a lot of St. Faustina, etc. and I felt confident that nothing could shake me.
I thought I have already been through the worst -- the last year has been traumatic.
Today, in fact, a few minutes ago, I received an email about an order of books. I did something really stupid and shipped them to the wrong place. It'll be really ANNOYING to fix this issue since the books have already been shipped and from different sources. However, in comparison to all the other anxieties in my life, this is nothing. If it was an earthquake it would about 1.0 Mag, barely felt or worth noting.
However, I lost all my peace.
Can't even the simplest thing go my way? How did this mistake go unchecked? Can I have peace in anything? Does everything big and small have to be a nightmare?
I was angry. My attitude was: "Yes, God. I only want THIS much suffering. And You already gave it to me. I have had my share. ENOUGH."
In these few moments, I realized that I was once again trying to conform God's Will to my will. My will is that things go well in my life, maybe a hang up every here and there, but nothing constant and nothing to stretch me or to tip the scales.
However, who am I to have this attitude towards God, who Wills my very existence? I may not understand His plan for me, but I am nothing without Him. He never promised me that I would have any earthly consolations. I assumed I have "rights" to happiness, peace, love, etc.,. and I am angry when I don't get these. Rather, to be a Christian it means to give up the "rights" to my own life.
This shipment issue is still annoying, but I have wiped away the tears and now I say, "Thank you, Jesus, for another opportunity to carry my cross and unite myself to You in love."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial among you, which comes upon you to prove you, as though a strange thing happened unto you: but insomuch as you are partakers of Christ's sufferings, rejoice; that at the revelation of his glory also you may rejoice with exceeding joy. - 1 Peter 4:12Count it all joy, my brethren, when you fall into manifold temptations. - James 1:2
Fr. John Riccardo talks about when life doesn't make sense: A Tapestry of Chaos and Suffering
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