Introduction to the Devote Life
By St. Francis De Sales
Book 3, Chapter 12:
OF THE NECESSITY OF CHASTITY
Chastity is the lily of all virtues, and makes men almost equal to angels. Nothing is beautiful but by purity, and the purity of men is chastity. Chastity is called honorableness, and the profession thereof of honor; it is named integrity, and is opposite to corruption -- in short, it has is glory apart in that it is the beautiful and white virtue of the soul and of the body.
It is never lawful to derive any carnal gratification from our bodies in any manner whatsoever, except in lawful marriage, and sanctity of which is able, by a just compensation, to repair the loss which is received in the delectation. And even in marriage we must observe honesty of intention, so that, if there be anything unseemly in the pleasure that is taken, there may be nothing but honesty in the will which takes it.
The chaste heart is like the mother pearl which can receive no drop of water but such as comes from heaven, for it can receive no pleasure but that of which marriage is ordained by Heaven; beyond this it is not permitted to think of it with a thought which is voluptuous, voluntary and deliberately entertained.
For the first degree of virtue, take care, Philothea, not to admit any sort of carnal gratification that is prohibited and forbidden, as are all those which are taken out of marriage, or even in marriage when they are taken against the rule of marriage. For the second, refrain yourself as far as possible from useless and superfluous delectations, though they be lawful and permissible. For the third do not set your affections on those pleasures and gratifications which are commanded and ordained; for though we must practice certain necessary delectations -- that is to say, those which concern the end and institution of holy marriage -- yet we must never set our heart and mind on them.
For the rest everyone has great need of this virtue. Those that are in the state of widowhood must have a courageous chastity, which not only despises present and future objects, but which resists the imagination of former pleasures lawfully received in marriage can stir up in their souls, which for that reason are more prone to feel the force of fleshly allurements. For this cause, St. Augustine admires the purity of his dear Alipius, who had wholly forgotten and despised the pleasures of the flesh, of which he had sometimes tasted in his youth. And in truth, so long as the fruits are undamaged they may be preserved, some in straw, some in sand, and some in their own leaves; but once they are bruised, it is almost impossible to keep them but with honey and sugar in conserves: in like manner chastity which never has been wounded or violated can be kept in many ways, but when it has once been impaired, nothing can conserve it but an excellent devotion, which as I have often said, is the true spiritual honey and sugar.
Virgins have need of an extremely simple and delicate chastity, in order to banish from their hearts all kinds of curious thoughts, and to despise with an absolute contempt all kinds of unclean pleasure, which indeed do not deserve to be desired by man, since asses and swine have more aptitude for them than human beings. Let these pure souls, therefore, be careful to never doubt that chastity is incomparably better than all that is incompatible with it; for, as the great St. Jerome says, the enemy strongly tempts virgins to the desire of tasting these pleasures, representing them to them as infinitely more pleasant and delightful than they are; and this troubles them very much, because, as the holy Father says, "they esteem that more sweet of which they know nothing."
For, as the little moth seeing the flame flutters about it, being curious to try if it be sweet as it is beautiful in appearance, and carried away by this fancy ceases not till it is lost at the first trial; so young persons very often allow themselves to be so much swayed by the false and foolish estimation which they have formed of the pleasure of the ardours of passion, that after indulging their curiosity in many thoughts, they finally plunge into ruin and destruction; being more foolish in this than the moths, which have some reason to think that the fire is delicious since it is so beautiful, whereas they, knowing that which they seek is extremely shameful, cease not for all that to overestimate the senseless and brutish pleasure thereof.
But as for those who are married, it is most true, though people do not commonly this so, chastity is very necessary for them, because in their case it does not consist in abstaining altogether from carnal pleasures, but in exercising self-control in the midst of them. Now, since the commandment, "Be angry and not sin" is, in my opinion, more difficult than this: "Be not angry at all" and because it is easier to refrain altogether from carnal pleasures than to observe moderation in them. It is true that the holy liberty of marriage has a special power to allay the ardour of concupiscence, but the frailty of those who enjoy it passes easily from permission to dissoluteness, and from use to abuse. And as we see many rich persons steal, not from poverty, but from avarice, so also we see many married people give way to excess through lack of restraint and wantonness, notwithstanding the lawful object, to which they ought and should be able to confine themselves; their concupiscence being like an unsteady flame, which goes burning lightly here and there without settling down anywhere. It is always dangerous to take strong remedies, because if we take more than we should, of if they be not well prepared, we receive much harm from them; marriage has been blessed and ordained in part as a remedy against concupiscence, and it is without doubt a very good remedy, but a strong one none the less, and in consequence very dangerous, if it be not discreetly used.
I add that, besides long illnesses, human affairs of various kinds often separate husbands from their wives, and therefore married persons have need of two sorts of chastity; the one for entire continence when they are separated from one another on such occasions as I have mentioned above; the other, for moderation when they are living together in the ordinary course. Indeed, St. Catherine of Siena saw amongst the damned many souls in great torment for having violated the sanctity of marriage, which happened she said, not because of the enormity of sin, for murders and blasphemies are more grievous, but "because those who commit it do not make it a matter of conscience," and consequently continue for a long time in it.
You see, then, that chastity is necessary for all kinds of persons. "Follow peace with all men", says the Apostle, "and holiness without which no man shall see God." Now the holiness which he means is chastity, as St. Jerome and St. Chrysostom have remarked. No, Philothea, no one will see God without chastity, no one "will dwell in his holy tabernacle" who is not "clean of heart"; as the Savior Himself says, "the dogs and the unchaste shall be banished from it" and "blessed are the clean of heart for they shall see God."
