LUST vs CHASTITY

While all capital sins are addictive or have addictive qualities, they also are a perversion of something good.

Lust is a perversion of love, in particular, it is a perversion of marital love.

Surprisingly, many believe that in marriage it is okay "to lust".  Outside of marriage lust is "bad", but within marriage it is "good".  This is not actually the case.

Lust is always an objectification of something. In marriage if one lusts after his/her spouse, he/she is looking at the other as on object of pleasure. It is an attitude of "what can you do for me" vs. "what can I do for you".

Love in marriage is always selfless.  It is a giving of oneself to another freely, and never "using" the other. Love is mutual expression. Lust is individual gratification.

New Advent, a Catholic encyclopedia, says this about lust: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09438a.htm
  

The wrongfulness of lust is reducible to this: that venereal satisfaction is sought for either outsidewedlock or, at any rate, in a manner which is contrary to the laws that govern marital intercourse. Every such criminal indulgence is a mortal sin, provided of course, it be voluntary in itself and fully deliberate. This is the testimony of St. Paul in the Epistle to the Galatians, v. 19:

"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are fornication, uncleanness, immodesty, luxury, . . . Of the which I foretell you, as I have foretold to you, that they who do such things shall not obtain the kingdom of God."

Moreover, if it be true the gravity of the offences may be measured by the harm they work to the individual or the community, there can be no doubt that lust has in this respect a gravity all its own... Lust is said to be a capital sin. The reason is obvious. The pleasure which this vice has as its object is at once so attractive and connatural to human nature as to whet keenly a man's desire, and so lead him into the commission of many other disorders in the pursuit of it. Theologians ordinarily distinguish various forms of lust in so far as it is a consummated external sin, e.g., fornication, adultery, incest, criminal assault, abduction, and sodomy. Each of these has its own specific malice--a fact to borne in mind for purposes of safeguarding the integrity of sacramental confession.

Of chastity, the virtue opposed to this vice, New Advent says: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03637d.htm

Chastity is the virtue which excludes or moderates the indulgence of the sexual appetite. It is a form of the  virtueof temperance, which controls according to right reason the desire for and use of those things which afford the greatest sensual pleasures...Under Christianity chastity has been practiced in a manner unknown under any other influence. Christian morality prescribes the right order of relations. It therefore must direct and control the manner of relationship sustained to each other by soul and body. Between these two there is an ineradicable opposition, the flesh with its concupiscences contending unceasingly against the spirit, blinding the latter and weaning it away from the pursuit of its true life. Harmony and due order between these two must prevail. But this means the pre-eminence and mastery of the spirit, which in turn can only mean the castigation of the body. The real as well as the etymological kinship between chastity and chastisement then is obvious. Necessarily, therefore, chastity is a thing stern and austere. The effect of the example as well as of the words of Our Saviour (Matthew 19:11-12) is seen in the lives of the many celibates and virgins who have graced the history of the Christian Church, while the idea of marriage as the sign and symbol of the ineffable union of Christ with His spotless spouse the Church — a union in which fidelity no less than love is mutual — has borne its fruit in beautifying the world with patterns of conjugal chastity.

Links to help the sexually addicted & to prevent sexual addiction in youth:

http://sexrespect.com/about.html

http://dads.org/article.asp?artId=237

      

Clutter Personalities

I found this on sexrespect.com and thought I'd pass it along...

The Clutter Personalities

The Clutter Personalities: Orderliness as a virtue and bad excuses not to have it Orderliness is a virtue. When we are simple and orderly, we are happier than when we allow our time and possessions to bring disorder to our lives. We do not have to be ‘rigid’ in our orderliness, because that puts order ahead of love for people, but orderliness should be a virtue for each member of the family to develop from a young age. “An orderly person follows a logical procedure which is essential for the achievement of any goal he sets himself – in organizing his things, using his time, carrying out his activities on his own initiative, without having to be constantly reminded,” writes David Isaacs in his book “Character Building”. Jesus was orderly. He had a mission from his Father and he kept his life simple and orderly in order to accomplish it. Living in a materialistic society, we think we need a lot more ‘stuff’ than we really do need. Wal-Mart and Target thrive on us buying things we don’t really need to live. Many adults struggle with too much ‘stuff’; whether it is papers, books, clothes, shoes or knick-knacks. On our January 26th radio show, I presented some of the clutter personalities and remedies for them. We like to get to the root of the problem which sometimes is our own thinking! How many of these are we guilty of? (The Hoarder, The Procrastinator, The Rebel, The Perfectionist, the Sentimentalist) The Hoarder: “This might come in handy some day!” Hoarding is rooted in insecurity, a lack of trust in God that he will not provide for all of our needs, or in fear of financial poverty. Hoarders think that they may never have what they need if they let go of the current ‘stuff’ they have. Remedy: Remind yourself that resources will always be available. You get them or even borrow them when you have a need. Magazines are indexed at the library, information is always available on the internet, those kitchen gadgets - oh c’mon how many years did we prepare food well without them? The empty margarine containers and egg cartons – if you aren’t using them each month – let them go! The Procrastinator: “I’ll think about that tomorrow”Guilty of the great set-aside? The items that need repair, the old newspapers, bills, the craft items you will work with next week...or next year, the dishes you leave in the sink, the wet laundry molding in the washing machine that didn’t get to the dryer, the leaves you never raked that are under the snow… it’s all still there. The best remedy for procrastination is to take action now! Instead of putting it off and dragging energy out of tomorrow, get started now for only 15 minutes. You will find that this usually creates a momentum that is needed to finish the job. It’s easier to keep a rolling stone in motion than to push it the first time. Push. See how much you can get done before you go to bed so you wake up happier and without a burden. The Rebel: “You can’t make me do it so I don’t want to.”You never internalized your parents’ efforts to teach you responsibility. You rebelled against it when you were 4 and 14 and now you are in charge. You don’t have to put your clothes in the hamper anymore or your cereal bowl in the dishwasher. But hey – they are still there! Remedy: Remember you are the grown up now. Your family deserves an adult on the job, your kids deserve a good example and your spouse deserves a co-parent, not another child. Rebel against that inner laziness. It’s the devil who is your enemy. He wants you out of order and rebellious. Your ‘mommy’ shouldn’t have to pick up after you anymore. The Perfectionist: “Until I can do it perfectly I will leave it that way”You know it will take you 2 days to clean out that closet and you don’t want to leave a mess in between, so you never get to it. You are actually the best organizer in your house – when you decide to do it. Not wanting to do a less than perfect job, the clutter stays there. Clutter pollution = spiritual pollution. And you want to be perfect, remember? Be perfectly organized! Perfectionists must give themselves permission to complete the first 20% if the job – which actually takes care of 80% of the problem. Sort and organize that drawer now, don’t wait until you find the perfect color of drawer liner paper. Put a piece of newspaper in the bottom and find the perfect liner later. You’ll be happy that the drawer is clean. The Sentimentalist: “Oh, how could I ever part with that memory.”You are in love with every item because it is attached to a memory. Remedy for the sentimentalist: Wake up to brains-over-emotions! When you throw away your 7th child’s blue pudding handprint, you are not throwing away your child – or even the memory of him or her. You probably have so many boxes that you couldn’t find your child’s first grade report card if you wanted it. Select 2 boxes of your most important keepsakes. Take photos of any others that are special, or spend one day making a video of you holding that item and telling the story, then call the dumpster and carry out the heavy load that is dragging you down. To all clutter personalities:Read the story of Jesus and the Rich Young Man Luke 18:18-27 and see if you can find a few lines in which Christ is speaking to you. “And he said, “All these things I have kept from my youth.” So when Jesus heard these things, He said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But when he heard this, he became very sorrowful, for he was very rich (read ‘weighed down with ‘stuff’). And when Jesus saw that he became very sorrowful, He said, “How hard it is for those who have riches (read ‘ clutter’) to enter the kingdom of God!” He couldn’t follow Christ because he had too much “stuff”. He went away sad because he couldn’t give it up. Could it be that your ‘stuff’ is dragging you down? First, it probably bothers the people you live with. Secondly, it weighs you down knowing that you need to clean it out and get rid of most of it. How long have you been saving it and what are you saving it for? Consider placing all your trust in God. Depend on Him for all your needs. Sell your stuff on e-bay, give it to a church garage sale, or call the St. Vincent DePaul Society now for a pick up! God wants you to be detached from ‘stuff’. Attach to him. Go pray, then clean house! Pretend your house was on fire (it might be if you don’t get those old magazines out of there), and think of what you would carry out with you. That’s all you really need to save along with a weeks worth of clothes. Whether you need to set small goals like throwing away ten bags a week, or cleaning out 1 hour a day, or go big, like renting a dumpster for the weekend and have the whole family work to fill it up! Make yourself happy by de-cluttering! Pray for an increase in Faith, Hope and Love. Believe that God will provide for all of your needs. (This is America, our poorest are better off than half of the world.) Place your hopes in eternal life and detach from the stuff. Love your neighbor who really has nothing – and give your stuff away to the homeless shelter. For the spouse of the Clutterer Jesus came, not to condemn the world, but to save the world. I ask you to be Christ to your spouse the clutterer, too. If you admonish and criticize, you are another source of discouragement. Instead, be the ‘helpmate’ you promised to be when you said you would love and honor your spouse all the days of your life. We all have faults. Yours are probably the opposite of your spouses – that’s why God put you together. Make your clean-out times fun for both of you. Put on your favorite music, laugh, throw those papers in the garbage and find freedom together. Set the timer, make a deadline, order in dinner at quitting time. Light the candles you just found that you’ve saved since your first dinner at home. Melt them down with your love.

The Builder – A Story of Forgiveness

by sexrespect on 2012/03/12 5:36 PM

The Builder – A Story of Forgiveness

Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?" "Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the barn? I want you to build me a fence - an 8-foot fence - so I won't need to see his place anymore. Cool him down, anyhow." The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge... a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all - and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. "No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother. "I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more bridges to build." Author Unknown