PRIDE vs HUMILITY - Day 6

Is it okay to be... brokeN?
   unsuccessful?  hurt?  sick?  rejected? stupid?  poor?  ugly?  afraid?

Is it okay to not be perfect?  Is it okay to be...what I am... ME?

Hello.  Nice to meet you.  I am broken!!!  Yes, I am broken.  I hurt.  I am afraid.  I regret.  I am not all that I want to be.

I have admitted what I am.  I have even said it out loud.

I couldn't say this out loud for a long time.  It is hard to say that word in application to myself... broken... but, I am... broken...

In many ways and many things, I have failed.  I don't have it all together and I don't like recognizing that.  I am proud.  And if I am going to talk about humility, I must also live it. I must honestly recognize myself for who I am.

I have realized over time that I sometimes am more afraid that people will see that I am struggling than of my actual problem.

What will people say if they knew...

Will they think I am incapable? useless? emotional? undisciplined? hypocritical? What will THEY think?

WHAT will they think?!????

Well, once I truly understood in my head that nothing I could do, would give me the power to control what THEY - the crowd of random persons, who aren't exactly main players in my life - think, it was easier to let go of this oppression.

Then, it's easier to let go of WHAT will they think?!????  This time the "they" are the people closest to me.

Also, openly recognizing that I am broken, I felt I could finally breathe.  Yes, I am broken, but so what? Aren't we all? We all are struggling with something. We are all hiding something. The longer we hide behind that mask, of  "nothing is wrong with me", then the longer it will take before we can heal.

There is nothing wrong with having something wrong with ourselves.  However, it is wrong to stay in the place where we think, or act as if there is nothing wrong with us.  Life is about fixing all those wrongs.  It is a test.  It is a challenge.  What will we do with this problem?  How will we turn it into the greatest good possible?

The Toothpaste Lesson

Whether they admit it or not, everybody is in search for the same thing.  Everybody seeks acknowledgement, appreciation and... love.

I am for making a positive difference in the lives of others.  If I spend my life without leaving people feeling warm and inspired, than my life has little value to those around me; rather my life becomes their cross.  I do not want my presence to leave people feeling anxious, hurt, worthless, or angry.

You may be aware of the school rhyme:"sticks and stones break my bones, but words never hurt me."  I think that this is incredibly false.  Words can be crippling, sometimes even more so than physical abuse.

If your mom was anything like mine, she probably told you that, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then it is better not to say anything at all."  I think that this is wise advise.

I was in Toastmasters (a speaking club) for a few years and learned about how effective words and even tones can be to move your audience to all sorts of emotions  (esp. laughter).  However, relationships have taught me that a grumbling, abrasive or discouraging tones can tear people apart.  The good feelings and intentions of the other can disappear in a single instant.  Unfortunately, these ugly responses and attitudes can also cripple the one speaking.

When I was young, my mom gave me a tube of toothpaste and told me to squeeze out all of the minty paste onto a paper plate. I did this with much enthusiasm.  Then, she told me to put it all back in. Well, this wasn't as fun or as easy as squeezing it out.  It also was very messy. The lesson?  Once hurtful things come out, it is very difficult to repair the damage.  Also, like the tube, the speaker becomes empty and lifeless...

Christ says that, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands." Mark 9:43

In my particular case, the bodily member that I need to lose is my tongue.  I have hurt people with idle and angry words, slander, gossip, grumbling, unkind jokes, etc...  While, I don't think Jesus wants me to literally chop off my tongue, I do think He wants me to completely kill the ugliness in my soul that produces these words, tones and attitudes.