unsuccessful? hurt? sick? rejected? stupid? poor? ugly? afraid?
Is it okay to not be perfect? Is it okay to be...what I am... ME?
Hello. Nice to meet you. I am broken!!! Yes, I am broken. I hurt. I am afraid. I regret. I am not all that I want to be.
I have admitted what I am. I have even said it out loud.
I couldn't say this out loud for a long time. It is hard to say that word in application to myself... broken... but, I am... broken...
In many ways and many things, I have failed. I don't have it all together and I don't like recognizing that. I am proud. And if I am going to talk about humility, I must also live it. I must honestly recognize myself for who I am.
I have realized over time that I sometimes am more afraid that people will see that I am struggling than of my actual problem.
What will people say if they knew...
Will they think I am incapable? useless? emotional? undisciplined? hypocritical? What will THEY think?
WHAT will they think?!????
Well, once I truly understood in my head that nothing I could do, would give me the power to control what THEY - the crowd of random persons, who aren't exactly main players in my life - think, it was easier to let go of this oppression.
Then, it's easier to let go of WHAT will they think?!???? This time the "they" are the people closest to me.
Also, openly recognizing that I am broken, I felt I could finally breathe. Yes, I am broken, but so what? Aren't we all? We all are struggling with something. We are all hiding something. The longer we hide behind that mask, of "nothing is wrong with me", then the longer it will take before we can heal.
There is nothing wrong with having something wrong with ourselves. However, it is wrong to stay in the place where we think, or act as if there is nothing wrong with us. Life is about fixing all those wrongs. It is a test. It is a challenge. What will we do with this problem? How will we turn it into the greatest good possible?
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