Words do hurt.

New Year Resolution 2015: Speak Life to . . . Yourself

Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

Most people for the New Year make "health" related resolutions. This is good because to be healthy is to be whole, or "holy".

Health: the general condition of the body or mind with reference to soundness and vigor: before 1000; Middle English helthe, Old English hǣlth. See hale1, whole, -th1 

Holy: devout, godly or virtuous: before 900; Middle English holi, Old English hālig, variant of hāl e.g.  equivalent to hāl whole + -eg -y1; cognate with Dutch, German heilig, OldNorse heilagr

One way to gauge our mental, emotional and spiritual health is to look at the quality of conversations in our relationships.  How much positive and how much negative do we deliberately speak to another?

The way we relate to others goes back to a further more causal internal motion: the dialogue we have with ourselves. 

Are we kind to ourselves or do we beat ourselves up?  

Do we love ourself in our most secret rawness?

Do we consider our own soul to be beautiful? 

Do we distract ourselves by our external accomplishments?

Do we call ourselves names?

Do we encourage ourselves?
Are we even mindful of what is in our vocabulary? 

Our thoughts are heard by God. Are we praising or damning His creation by patterns of words that go around and around?

Can we change our thoughts?

YES!!!

Watch your thoughts.
Think about the depth of your words.

Family Portrait - Pink

Just a Thought: There are...

There are four letters in HATE,
but there are also four letters in LOVE...

There are seven letters in ENEMIES,
but there are also seven letters in FRIENDS...

 HURT,
 HEAL...

 NEGATIVE,
 POSITIVE...

FALSE,
TRUTH...

Everybody has a story. But none of us know how long it will be. Some of us have volumes, others have chapters, while others, mere pages, paragraphs, or simply, the title. Death comes like a thief in the night. Every comma, letter, word, subplot adds up to the life we lived. Giving a finite amount of characters, how do we fill them? Leaving them empty is a choice, too.

If your story were to be written, what words would be used to describe your life? Would those around you agree with you? How many other stories would be inspired by yours? How many have been or will be extinguished because of you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TAKING,           ANGER,           FIGHT,            SAD,           FAITHLESS,

  GIVING...          MERCY...         PEACE...         JOY...          INTEGRITY...

WASTE,        COLD,          REVENGE,         RUDE,         STAGNATE,

  RENEW...      WARM...      FORGIVE...         KIND...        IMPROVES...          

LUST,            ADDICTIONS,          DISAPPOINTS,       NEGLECT,       

  PURE...          DISCIPLINE...          RESPONSIBLE...    NURTURE...  

LUST vs. CHASTITY - Day 3

I am not at all surprised that men and women today are treated as sexual objects, as Disney princess, Jasmine, says, "prize(s) to be won".  Many individuals today are surprised when they are used or disrespected; but a simple reflection on their dress and attitude may reveal why.  Sometimes blatant, and sometimes very subtle, we live in a society where "love" and "sex" are used interchangeably.  Many people falsely assume, that if they are are viewed by others as "sexy" they have value; they are loved. If they are sexy, they will be rescued. This is one of the biggest lies out there.

Unfortunately, it is being perpetually propagated in the media from 'family' movies to x-rated movies, where the main guy and girl are stunningly gorgeous and usually dressed to accentuate the curves/muscles. These movies include scenes that supposedly are humorous, that bring attention to the body, to prove the characters are in love, and/or use the body to accomplish "the mission".  Though these works are often completely "fictional", the images and ideas that these characters and plots bring are harmful to the viewers' dignity.  The message mainly being: "it is okay to use your body or another's body to get what you want".

How narcissistic is that?

The old admonition, "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" rings true today. As a society, we have seen/heard/spoken so much evil that immodestly and lust are not viewed as "harmful". Yet, there are so many more divorces, unfaithfulness/betrayal, broken hearts, insecurity, and suicides, because people long for love, but don't know what it looks like or how to give it.

Lots of money is spent on vanity. How does our hair look: are they cut/styled "cute", the right color? Are there blemishes/wrinkles on our faces? Can we walk outside without the perfect face? Who is it that we are trying to impress? Is it one person? Is it everybody? How insecure are we? How much do we value how others judge us? What image are we trying to sell?

Sure, some people may seem more willing to accept, flatter and flirt with us if we fit a modern "sexy" profile.  However, will this attention go away when we turn 40, when we gain weight, or are surrounded by others who exceed our sexiness?

Probably.

When love/value is measured by sexual attraction and not by integrity, commitment and values; it is often short lived and the person actually seeking love is hurt.

This is because the person(s) that we try to attract are shallow.

Likewise, if if we base our relationships on outward projections instead of responsible action, we are the shallow ones. If we don't value others for their character, personality and goals in life, why are we with them and what does that say about us?

Everybody wants "to ride off in the sunset and grow old together".

However, this ideal is not served on a platter. It takes integrity of individuals that includes unconditional commitment  -- something that extends way beyond external beauty.

Is the person you are with have a wandering eye? Do they invest in your hobbies or just your body? What are you selling to your "lover"? Or are you secure with yourself and with how he/she sees you? If he/she knew all your flaws, would they stay or flee? Vice versa would you flee?

How much does lust play in your judgements?

PRIDE vs HUMILITY - Day 6

Is it okay to be... brokeN?
   unsuccessful?  hurt?  sick?  rejected? stupid?  poor?  ugly?  afraid?

Is it okay to not be perfect?  Is it okay to be...what I am... ME?

Hello.  Nice to meet you.  I am broken!!!  Yes, I am broken.  I hurt.  I am afraid.  I regret.  I am not all that I want to be.

I have admitted what I am.  I have even said it out loud.

I couldn't say this out loud for a long time.  It is hard to say that word in application to myself... broken... but, I am... broken...

In many ways and many things, I have failed.  I don't have it all together and I don't like recognizing that.  I am proud.  And if I am going to talk about humility, I must also live it. I must honestly recognize myself for who I am.

I have realized over time that I sometimes am more afraid that people will see that I am struggling than of my actual problem.

What will people say if they knew...

Will they think I am incapable? useless? emotional? undisciplined? hypocritical? What will THEY think?

WHAT will they think?!????

Well, once I truly understood in my head that nothing I could do, would give me the power to control what THEY - the crowd of random persons, who aren't exactly main players in my life - think, it was easier to let go of this oppression.

Then, it's easier to let go of WHAT will they think?!????  This time the "they" are the people closest to me.

Also, openly recognizing that I am broken, I felt I could finally breathe.  Yes, I am broken, but so what? Aren't we all? We all are struggling with something. We are all hiding something. The longer we hide behind that mask, of  "nothing is wrong with me", then the longer it will take before we can heal.

There is nothing wrong with having something wrong with ourselves.  However, it is wrong to stay in the place where we think, or act as if there is nothing wrong with us.  Life is about fixing all those wrongs.  It is a test.  It is a challenge.  What will we do with this problem?  How will we turn it into the greatest good possible?

When It Hurts... I Remember That Jesus is the Reason for My Commitment

It's really easy to fall into a dark gloomy place where you feel sorry for yourself, question all your actions, and wonder whether you can ever trust another human being. It is during these moments that it seems that somehow every one disappoints you in some way, including yourself.

This is the place where I have been in the last two weeks. As this relationship was obviously getting worse and worse, many people came forward saying how they knew that this person would be trouble or this and that. Yet, they also at the same time, supported the relationship by their other actions, words and silence... so in regard to where they truly stood, I am confused and probably always will be.

At first, I just wanted to stay in the fetal position and cry. I really care about this person and wish that our differences could be miraculously reconciled. However, at this point in time, it seems that this will NEVER be the case.

As I look back at all the pain in the relationship, I wondered whether it was all just a big FAT mistake. Should I have ended our friendship at the first sign of trouble?

Instinctively, I said "YES!!!!!!!! There was tooooo much conflict. I was so stupid to give this person chance after chance."

But then I thought about, "Why did I do that? Why would I continue in a relationship that wasn't mostly peaches and cream?"

Well, first of all, I am not perfect myself. I wasn't always the angel or the victim. I caused some of the  damage. If I expect to be forgiven and shown mercy, I must give forgiveness and shower mercy.

But the most important reason was because this person challenged me to love in a way that nobody else ever had. Nobody else challenged me to love unconditionally. It's easy for me to love those who are regularly there for me. Yet, what about a person who often disappoints or purposely hurts me? Well, to love someone unconditionally means to love WITHOUT RESERVE.

In other words: "Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor....Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it doesn't rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."  1 Cor 10:24, 13:4-8

Every time I said, "That's IT. I have had ENOUGH!!!!!!" I remembered Jesus' call to love one's enemy.  I thought it over and literally asked myself, "What would Jesus have me do?  What do I believe Jesus is asking of me in this moment and with this person?" I don't always do this with everybody. Yet, I am deeply called to do this time and time again for this person. My inner conscious says to keep trying... to keep loving.

Despite our many differences, I believe that this person was brought into my life for my sanctification. This person has taught me how to live my faith, not just preach about it. This person has taught me that I must comfort my Savior.  I learned what it means to always be completely responsible for my own actions. No matter what anybody may say or do to me, it is my duty as a Catholic Christian to respond with love and forgiveness. I also learned that every sin, big or small, has consequences. No sin stays secret, it's effects will creep up and manifest themselves in some way. And one can't hide or "fix" a sin by committing another one. Rather, I learned that once you catch yourself in a sin, you need to snuff it out as quickly as possible by confessing and repenting. One sin of mine can seriously harm another...
 
In these realizations, I began to experience what Christ is actually asking when He said,"take up your cross and follow Me", "turn the other cheek," and "whatever you to to the least of your brothers, you do to Me."  Good or bad, whatever I do to another, I do to Jesus.  Thus, in these experiences, I learned that the love that Jesus asks of me is proved by my patience, humility, forgiveness, mercy and gratitude in my interaction with others.

Thus, if I take Jesus' words at face value in all the gospels, I am called to love every one with an unfailing love. The individual that I am currently struggling with taught me this very very clearly. I learned that everything I do is a choice.  Do I chose to love? Or, do I chose to sin? Do I say "fool!" to those who make me angry? "But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. Again anyone who says to his brother, "Raca' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Matt 5:23  Thus, these are the only two options: love or sin. (Failure to keep a commandment of God is what sin is... and the greatest commandment is the twofold love of God and neighbor.)

If I did chose to love and was betrayed, I can still be secure in my decision because that was the greatest action I could have chosen.  If I chose to love, but somehow messed things up, my motivation was still rooted in the right place. I may have lacked a element necessary for a pure love -- true charity, but if I am sincerely trying to love like Christ, I am improving. Hopefully, with each advancement, I'll become "perfect as my heavenly Father is perfect". In loving, I lose nothing. In not loving, I lose my soul.

So.... instead of bemoaning my past and living in the pain, I am making the choice to focus on the fact that the highest form of love is not an emotion, but an act of the will. Although, I don't feel like loving, I still can. My actions aren't slaves to my emotions.

Looking back, I don't regret loving this person and being in this person's life. I do regret the moments in which I completely failed: where I lost my cool or did stupid things because of my lack of virtue, in particular, prudence. It was always my goal to love this person as Christ loves me, and because this was one of my main goals, I can forgive myself for all that haunts me in this relationship.

I still love this person and I will continue to love this individual. It was a choice I made a long time ago.

If you are this person...know that I am praying for you and wish upon you every happiness. Also, know that I deeply regret all my actions that offended God and you. It is never too late to reconcile.

"You can never fall too hard, so fast, so far, that you can't get back when you lost where you are. It's never too late, so bad, so much, that you can't change who you are." (Unspoken, Who we are)

Maybe we will never completely heal in this time on earth, but it is my greatest desire to meet you in heaven where we can glory in the Blessed Trinity for eternity -- this is the only thing that matters. May God bless you wherever you are and whatever you are doing. I love you.

Joy Is Found in Comforting Christ

Its been hard for me to write about joy -- even for my friend -- because I struggle with it.  I think it is because to a certain extent, I don't want to be joyful.  I want to cling to the hurt/frustration/whatever because I can use it to protect myself.  It is an excuse to stay in my comfort zone or a way to put all my problems on someone else.  Also, I think that it is less threatening to be a grumbler.

However a comment from a reader on my page  Shoulder Wound of Christ reminded me how to have the greatest joy. 

"Our Lord bearing this unrecorded burden for us has touched my heart and soul so greatly.  Whatever I must do in my days..., I offer it up for His shoulder wound.  In doing so, I feel blessed that my Lord has allowed me to comfort Him; therefore, He comforts me."

Personally, when I give to others, I am filled with joy.  I love helping others.  I love to find thoughtful ways to warm their hearts.  When I surrender my time and energy to helping others, I forget about all my interior grumblings -- and my life is no longer as awful as I make it seem.

If I am joy filled when I comfort even strangers, what joy awaits me when I comfort my Lord?  Even if all my dreams and plans are for naught, if I could comfort my Savior even for a brief moment isn't it worth it?

My prayer for today:

Jesus, it is my new hope that I can comfort You today by sharing in Your Passion.  Do with me what You will.  If you desire me to suffer with You the betrayal of Judas, or the abandonment of Your beloved Apostles at the hour of Your greatest need, I will no longer grumble about betrayals against me.  If You want me to suffer physically in my body, I do so willingly.  Your body was shred by scourging.  It was bruised by beatings and falls.  It was pierced by thorns, nails and a spear... You could count all of Your bones.  What do I have to complain about? Teach my joy in all things.

The Toothpaste Lesson

Whether they admit it or not, everybody is in search for the same thing.  Everybody seeks acknowledgement, appreciation and... love.

I am for making a positive difference in the lives of others.  If I spend my life without leaving people feeling warm and inspired, than my life has little value to those around me; rather my life becomes their cross.  I do not want my presence to leave people feeling anxious, hurt, worthless, or angry.

You may be aware of the school rhyme:"sticks and stones break my bones, but words never hurt me."  I think that this is incredibly false.  Words can be crippling, sometimes even more so than physical abuse.

If your mom was anything like mine, she probably told you that, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then it is better not to say anything at all."  I think that this is wise advise.

I was in Toastmasters (a speaking club) for a few years and learned about how effective words and even tones can be to move your audience to all sorts of emotions  (esp. laughter).  However, relationships have taught me that a grumbling, abrasive or discouraging tones can tear people apart.  The good feelings and intentions of the other can disappear in a single instant.  Unfortunately, these ugly responses and attitudes can also cripple the one speaking.

When I was young, my mom gave me a tube of toothpaste and told me to squeeze out all of the minty paste onto a paper plate. I did this with much enthusiasm.  Then, she told me to put it all back in. Well, this wasn't as fun or as easy as squeezing it out.  It also was very messy. The lesson?  Once hurtful things come out, it is very difficult to repair the damage.  Also, like the tube, the speaker becomes empty and lifeless...

Christ says that, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands." Mark 9:43

In my particular case, the bodily member that I need to lose is my tongue.  I have hurt people with idle and angry words, slander, gossip, grumbling, unkind jokes, etc...  While, I don't think Jesus wants me to literally chop off my tongue, I do think He wants me to completely kill the ugliness in my soul that produces these words, tones and attitudes.