Fire or Fire . . .

The dove descending breaks the air
With flame on incandescent terror
Of which the tongues declare
The one discharge from sin and error.
The only hope, or else despair
Lies in the choice of pyre or pyre -
to be redeemed from fire by fire.

Who then devised the torment? Love.
Love is the unfamiliar Name
Behind the hands that wove
The intolerable shirt of flame
Which human power cannot remove.
We only live, only suspire
Consumed by either fire or fire.

 - T.S. Eliot, Four Quarterts: "Little Gidding"

SLOTH vs DILIGENCE

Grrr... one of my email accounts got hacked into over the weekend. It is stressful for me to try to minimize the damage.  I am also frustrated with all the time and energy that needs to be spent in re-securing my identity.  Without this invasion, I could be doing more things that are actually on my to do list, such as finishing my Devote Life Series.

However, this experience has provided me with two benefits:

1) It has given me immediate motivation to organize and minimize everything I have online.
2) It gives me an opportunity to extend mercy to the perpetrator via praying for his/her/their conversion/s. "Forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those tresspasses against us" (Before you continue, I invite you to offer up a Glory Be or other preferred prayer for whoever did this.)

... thank you for your prayer.

When I get angry, it is easy for me to feel justified in remaining in my anger. Something unfair was done to me after all!!! However, I am learning more and more that anger just makes the bad situation last longer. Are these frustrating moments going to effect me two years from now? No.  So I am not going to spend another second more on a situation now out of my hands. Instead, I am going to consider sloth and it's virtue.

SLOTH:

Sloth is a sin associated with laziness.  It is apathy for both physical and spiritual duties.

Sloth is "sluggishness of the mind which neglects to begin good... [it] is evil in its effect, if it so oppresses man as to draw him away entirely from good deeds." (2,35, ad 1) - St. Thomas Aquinas

What is it's corresponding virtue?  Diligence. 

"Diligence seems to be the same as solicitude*, because the more we love[diligimus] a thing the more solicitous are we about it. Hence diligence, no less than solicitude, is required for every virtue, in so far as due acts of reason are requisite for every virtue." (1,54, ad 1) - St. Thomas Aquinas

*Solicitude is an attitude expressing excessive attentiveness: to show great solicitude about his wife's health. 

January is a great time to learn (and keep) the habit of diligence as every one seems to be focused on it to some level -- New Year's resolutions and all.

Since St.Thomas believes that it is easier to be attentive to the things we love, I am trying a new approach to tackling laziness this year. If say, I want to shed some pounds, instead of scheduling exercise times for the sake of exercising, I will instead find an activity or a goal that will require me to meet the desired level of activity.  It will be a subplot to the story of my life.

Try turning your resolutions into stories too! How? 

Take five and pray. Ask God to inspire you.  Then write down the main goals you want to accomplish before 2014. Then rewrite the goals as individual events/stories:

1st draft:  I will lose weight.

vs.

2nd draft: I will run in a marathon on (date) to raise money for (cause) that will benefit (person I know).

Because your goal is now a subplot in your life, it is easier to avoid the temptations of laziness, and it gives you a purpose beyond a mere item on an overwhelming list. 

GLUTTONY VS TEMPERANCE - Day 5

For those of you following my Devote Life Series, you have probably been wondering if I fell off the face of the planet.  :-)

I would say that life has been busy, or other more immediate projects came up, etc., and both these would be true, but the main reason the series froze was because every time I sat down to write something about temperance or gluttony, I couldn't think of anything to write and I couldn't find anything I wanted to reblog.

So, I apologize for the writer's block.

Since yesterday was Thanksgiving, I thought about temperance and gluttony all day. I resolved not to get second helpings and to not indulge in sweet unhealthy/unnecessary drinks. In regard to the food I was very good, minus the extra spoonful of stuffing. :-)  I normally don't drink alcohol; I don't like the taste of it. However, surprisingly I had way more alcohol than I average in a month.  My uncle made me a vodka drink and then my aunt handed me a huge glass of wine which I was only able to half finish. I also had two glasses of hot apple cider, coffee and one glass of sprite. So, basically I failed yesterday.

I feel very blessed to not have alcohol as a temptation in my life.  However, I do struggle with saying no to fatty, fried, gooey and sweet items. They always look or smell so good... yet I always know that my body doesn't need them at the time I devour them.

Our bodies need very little food to be healthy and functional. Our stomach is as big as our fists.  I am much better at not over-indulging then I used to be.  My will power has improved and second helpings are becoming less of a temptation.  However, I am still very bad at choosing healthy options that actually nutritionally fill and sustain me.

Eating unhealthy foods is gluttony because we are choosing taste over health. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and not protecting and maintaining His dwelling place is a capital sin.

Despite what the world says: that I deserve to eat bad because of a holiday, stress, working hard, etc., I know that when I do as it advises, as soon as I am conscious that I fell for and accepted the temptation, I must stop and go to confession. On this Black Friday, that is the only line I'll be in.

Introduction to the Devote Life - as inspired by St. Francis De Sales

I am currently reading St. Francis of De Sales', "Introduction to the Devote Life," and  I am discussing it with a friend. I think that St. Francis has a very simple and direct way to approach holiness.

He really has helped me become more aware of how to complete the journey, as opposed to just being on it. I believe that St. Francis addresses exactly the way to overcome sin and reach the perfection that Jesus Christ calls us to: "be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect." St. Francis breaks this journey down into simple steps. 

• Stop committing mortal sins!
• Get rid of the attachments to mortal sin!
• Stop committing venials sins!
• Get rid of the attachments to venial sin! 

As a a refresher, I am breaking out the Baltimore Catechism (didn't you just love it as a kid?):

66 - 67, 69. What is mortal sin? Why is the sin called mortal? 

What are the three things necessary to make a sin mortal?

 Mortal sin is a grievous offense against the law of God. This sin is called mortal, or deadly, because it deprives the sinner of sanctifying grace, the supernatural life of the soul. To make a sin mortal these three things are necessary:

i) first, the thought, desire, word, action or omission must be seriously wrong;

ii) second, the sinner must be mindful of the serious wrong;

iii) third, the sinner must fully consent to it.

So... in other words to do the first thing St. Francis recommends, we must stop fully consenting to and committing grievous offenses against God. Easy! Right? :-)

After we become a master of this, the second task is to rid ourselves of the delight we experience with these sins: "I would commit these, if only the fear of God wasn't stopping me!" vs. "I hate doing that because it is harmful to me and the relationship I have with God and my neighbor. I am disgusted by the thought of doing that!"

And lastly (in my summary of his way), St. Francis recommends the purging of venial sin.

70 &71. What is venial sin? How can a sin be venial?

Venial sin is a less serious offense against the law of God, which does not deprive the soul of

 sanctifying grace... A sin can be venial in two ways:

i) first, when the evil done is not seriously wrong;

ii) second, when the evil done is seriously wrong, 

but the sinner sincerely believes it is only slightly wrong, 

or does not give full consent to it.

For both mortal and venial sins, their sources come from the following vices: pride, covetousness, lust, anger, gluttony, envy and sloth. These are also known as Capital or Deadly Sins. (75. They are called capital sins because they, in themselves, are not the greatest sins, but they are the chief reasons why men commit sin.)

Since all sin is displeasing to God, and sometimes, even deadly for us, I think it is wise to try and cut off every source of sin in our lives. For myself, I am going to look at each capital sin closely for a week . In doing so, I will compare them to the virtues opposite to them. I desire to develop the virtues that counter them such as humility, gratitude, chastity, charity, temperance etc.,. Therefore, I will include the prayers and ideas that I have come across to help root out the vice and strengthen the virtue. I will chose a new capital sin to examine each Sunday. Today, I will start with.... PRIDE. See my next blog entry for today.

Happy Sunday!

Meanwhile, you might find this article helpful: Examination of Conscience for Adults
or, try this quiz for a quick examination :-): Seven Deadly Sins Quiz - What's Your Sin?

Philothea's Solemn Protestation

As set out by Saint Francis De Sales, Introduction to the Devote Life, Pt. I, Bk. XX

After Philothea's prostestation (act of contrition) is made, St. Francis congratulated her saying, "It only remains for you to take the pen in your hand, sign with a good heart the act of protestation, and afterward go to the altar, where God on His part will sign and seal your absolution....In this way, methinks, Philothea, your soul will be purged from sin and from all affections to sin." 

SOLEMN PROTESTATION, TO ENGRAVE ON THE SOUL THE RESOLUTION TO SERVE GOD AND TO CONCLUDE THE ACTS OF REPENTANCE

I, the undersigned, in the presence of the eternal God and all the court of heaven, having considered the boundless mercy of His divine goodness towards me, most unworthy and wretched creature, whom He created out of nothing, preserved, sustained, delivered from many dangers, and loaded with so many benefits; but above all, having considered  the incomprehensible sweetness and clemency with which this most good God has so graciously borne with me in my iniquities, so often and so lovingly inspired me, inviting me to amend my ways, and so patiently waiting for me  to repent until this N___ year of my age, in spite of all my ingratitude, disloyalty and faithlessness, whereby deferring my conversion and despising His graces I have so shamelessly offended Him; after having considered also that on the day of my holy baptism I was so happily and holily vowed and consecrated to my God to be His child, and that, contrary to the profession which was then made in my name, I have so many times miserably and detestably profaned and violated my spirit, applying it and employing it against His divine Majesty; returning now at last to myself, prostrate in heart and in spirit before the throne of divine justice, I acknowledge, avow and confess myself to be rightly attainted and convicted of the crime of high treason, and guilty of the death and passion of Jesus Christ, by reason of the sins which I committed, for which He died and suffered the torment of the cross, so that I deserve in consequence to be lost and damned for ever.

By turning toward the throne of the infinite mercy of this same eternal God, after having detested with my whole heart and with all  my strength the iniquities of my past life, I ask and humbly pray for grace and pardon and mercy, together with an entire absolution from my sins, in virtue of the death and passion of the same Lord and Redeemer of my soul, relying on which as the sole foundation of my hope, I again promise and renew the sacred profession of fidelity made on my behalf to my God at baptism, renouncing the devil, the world and the flesh, detesting their miserable suggestions, vanities and concupiscences, for all the time of this present life and for eternity. And turning to my God, who is full of loving kindness and compassion, I desire, I propose, intend and resolve irrevocably to serve Him and love Him now and eternally, to this end giving, dedicating and consecrating to Him my spirit with all its facilities, my soul with all its powers, my heart with all its affections, my body with all its senses; protesting that I will nevermore misuse any part of my being against this divine will and sovereign Majesty to which I sacrifice and immolate myself in spirit, to be evermore loyal, obedient and faithful to Him, without ever wishing to retract or change my resolution. But alas! if through some suggestion of the enemy or through some human infirmity, I should in any way contravene this my resolution and consecration, I protest this very day and resolve, with the assistance of the Holy Ghost, to rise again as soon as I perceive my fall, and to turn to the divine mercy again, without any delay whatsoever.

This is my inviolable and irrevocable will, intention and resolution, which I avow and confirm without reserve or exception, in the same sacred presence of my God, and in the sight of the Church triumphant, and in the presence of the Church militant my Mother, who hears this my declaration in the person of him who, as her minister, hears me make this declaration. Be pleased, O my eternal God, all powerful and all good, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, to confirm this resolution in me, and to accept this sincere and interior sacrifice of mine in the odour of sweetness; as it pleased Thee to give me the inspiration and the will to make it, give me also the strength and the grace necessary to fulfill it. O, my God, Thou art my God, the God of my heart, the God of my soul, the God of my spirit; I acknowledge Thee as such and adore Thee now and for all eternity. Vive Jesus.     

When It Hurts... I Remember That Jesus is the Reason for My Commitment

It's really easy to fall into a dark gloomy place where you feel sorry for yourself, question all your actions, and wonder whether you can ever trust another human being. It is during these moments that it seems that somehow every one disappoints you in some way, including yourself.

This is the place where I have been in the last two weeks. As this relationship was obviously getting worse and worse, many people came forward saying how they knew that this person would be trouble or this and that. Yet, they also at the same time, supported the relationship by their other actions, words and silence... so in regard to where they truly stood, I am confused and probably always will be.

At first, I just wanted to stay in the fetal position and cry. I really care about this person and wish that our differences could be miraculously reconciled. However, at this point in time, it seems that this will NEVER be the case.

As I look back at all the pain in the relationship, I wondered whether it was all just a big FAT mistake. Should I have ended our friendship at the first sign of trouble?

Instinctively, I said "YES!!!!!!!! There was tooooo much conflict. I was so stupid to give this person chance after chance."

But then I thought about, "Why did I do that? Why would I continue in a relationship that wasn't mostly peaches and cream?"

Well, first of all, I am not perfect myself. I wasn't always the angel or the victim. I caused some of the  damage. If I expect to be forgiven and shown mercy, I must give forgiveness and shower mercy.

But the most important reason was because this person challenged me to love in a way that nobody else ever had. Nobody else challenged me to love unconditionally. It's easy for me to love those who are regularly there for me. Yet, what about a person who often disappoints or purposely hurts me? Well, to love someone unconditionally means to love WITHOUT RESERVE.

In other words: "Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor....Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it doesn't rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."  1 Cor 10:24, 13:4-8

Every time I said, "That's IT. I have had ENOUGH!!!!!!" I remembered Jesus' call to love one's enemy.  I thought it over and literally asked myself, "What would Jesus have me do?  What do I believe Jesus is asking of me in this moment and with this person?" I don't always do this with everybody. Yet, I am deeply called to do this time and time again for this person. My inner conscious says to keep trying... to keep loving.

Despite our many differences, I believe that this person was brought into my life for my sanctification. This person has taught me how to live my faith, not just preach about it. This person has taught me that I must comfort my Savior.  I learned what it means to always be completely responsible for my own actions. No matter what anybody may say or do to me, it is my duty as a Catholic Christian to respond with love and forgiveness. I also learned that every sin, big or small, has consequences. No sin stays secret, it's effects will creep up and manifest themselves in some way. And one can't hide or "fix" a sin by committing another one. Rather, I learned that once you catch yourself in a sin, you need to snuff it out as quickly as possible by confessing and repenting. One sin of mine can seriously harm another...
 
In these realizations, I began to experience what Christ is actually asking when He said,"take up your cross and follow Me", "turn the other cheek," and "whatever you to to the least of your brothers, you do to Me."  Good or bad, whatever I do to another, I do to Jesus.  Thus, in these experiences, I learned that the love that Jesus asks of me is proved by my patience, humility, forgiveness, mercy and gratitude in my interaction with others.

Thus, if I take Jesus' words at face value in all the gospels, I am called to love every one with an unfailing love. The individual that I am currently struggling with taught me this very very clearly. I learned that everything I do is a choice.  Do I chose to love? Or, do I chose to sin? Do I say "fool!" to those who make me angry? "But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. Again anyone who says to his brother, "Raca' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Matt 5:23  Thus, these are the only two options: love or sin. (Failure to keep a commandment of God is what sin is... and the greatest commandment is the twofold love of God and neighbor.)

If I did chose to love and was betrayed, I can still be secure in my decision because that was the greatest action I could have chosen.  If I chose to love, but somehow messed things up, my motivation was still rooted in the right place. I may have lacked a element necessary for a pure love -- true charity, but if I am sincerely trying to love like Christ, I am improving. Hopefully, with each advancement, I'll become "perfect as my heavenly Father is perfect". In loving, I lose nothing. In not loving, I lose my soul.

So.... instead of bemoaning my past and living in the pain, I am making the choice to focus on the fact that the highest form of love is not an emotion, but an act of the will. Although, I don't feel like loving, I still can. My actions aren't slaves to my emotions.

Looking back, I don't regret loving this person and being in this person's life. I do regret the moments in which I completely failed: where I lost my cool or did stupid things because of my lack of virtue, in particular, prudence. It was always my goal to love this person as Christ loves me, and because this was one of my main goals, I can forgive myself for all that haunts me in this relationship.

I still love this person and I will continue to love this individual. It was a choice I made a long time ago.

If you are this person...know that I am praying for you and wish upon you every happiness. Also, know that I deeply regret all my actions that offended God and you. It is never too late to reconcile.

"You can never fall too hard, so fast, so far, that you can't get back when you lost where you are. It's never too late, so bad, so much, that you can't change who you are." (Unspoken, Who we are)

Maybe we will never completely heal in this time on earth, but it is my greatest desire to meet you in heaven where we can glory in the Blessed Trinity for eternity -- this is the only thing that matters. May God bless you wherever you are and whatever you are doing. I love you.

Shoulder Wound of Christ

It is related in the annals of Clairvaux that St. Bernard asked Our Lord which was His greatest unrecorded suffering, and He answered: 

"I had on My Shoulder while I bore My Cross on the Way of Sorrows, a grevious Wound which was more painful than the others, and which is not recorded by men.  Honor this Wound with thy devotion, and I will grant thee whatsoever thou does ask through its virtue and merit.  And in regard to all those who shall venerate this wound, I will remit to them all their venial sins, and will no longer remember their mortal sins"

O Loving Jesus, meek Lamb of God, I miserable sinner, salute and worship the most Sacred Wound of Thy Shoulder on which Thou didst bear Thy heavy Cross, which so tore Thy flesh and laid bare Thy Bones as to inflict on Thee an anguish greater than any other wound of Thy Most Blessed Body. I adore Thee, O Jesus most sorrowful; I praise and glorify Thee, and give Thee thanks for this most sacred and painful Wound, beseeching Thee by that exceeding pain, and by the crushing burden of Thy heavy Cross to be merciful to me, a sinner, to forgive me all my mortal and venial sins, and to lead me on towards Heaven along the Way of Thy Cross. Amen. 

The Toothpaste Lesson

Whether they admit it or not, everybody is in search for the same thing.  Everybody seeks acknowledgement, appreciation and... love.

I am for making a positive difference in the lives of others.  If I spend my life without leaving people feeling warm and inspired, than my life has little value to those around me; rather my life becomes their cross.  I do not want my presence to leave people feeling anxious, hurt, worthless, or angry.

You may be aware of the school rhyme:"sticks and stones break my bones, but words never hurt me."  I think that this is incredibly false.  Words can be crippling, sometimes even more so than physical abuse.

If your mom was anything like mine, she probably told you that, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then it is better not to say anything at all."  I think that this is wise advise.

I was in Toastmasters (a speaking club) for a few years and learned about how effective words and even tones can be to move your audience to all sorts of emotions  (esp. laughter).  However, relationships have taught me that a grumbling, abrasive or discouraging tones can tear people apart.  The good feelings and intentions of the other can disappear in a single instant.  Unfortunately, these ugly responses and attitudes can also cripple the one speaking.

When I was young, my mom gave me a tube of toothpaste and told me to squeeze out all of the minty paste onto a paper plate. I did this with much enthusiasm.  Then, she told me to put it all back in. Well, this wasn't as fun or as easy as squeezing it out.  It also was very messy. The lesson?  Once hurtful things come out, it is very difficult to repair the damage.  Also, like the tube, the speaker becomes empty and lifeless...

Christ says that, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands." Mark 9:43

In my particular case, the bodily member that I need to lose is my tongue.  I have hurt people with idle and angry words, slander, gossip, grumbling, unkind jokes, etc...  While, I don't think Jesus wants me to literally chop off my tongue, I do think He wants me to completely kill the ugliness in my soul that produces these words, tones and attitudes.