LUST vs. CHASTITY - Day 3

I am not at all surprised that men and women today are treated as sexual objects, as Disney princess, Jasmine, says, "prize(s) to be won".  Many individuals today are surprised when they are used or disrespected; but a simple reflection on their dress and attitude may reveal why.  Sometimes blatant, and sometimes very subtle, we live in a society where "love" and "sex" are used interchangeably.  Many people falsely assume, that if they are are viewed by others as "sexy" they have value; they are loved. If they are sexy, they will be rescued. This is one of the biggest lies out there.

Unfortunately, it is being perpetually propagated in the media from 'family' movies to x-rated movies, where the main guy and girl are stunningly gorgeous and usually dressed to accentuate the curves/muscles. These movies include scenes that supposedly are humorous, that bring attention to the body, to prove the characters are in love, and/or use the body to accomplish "the mission".  Though these works are often completely "fictional", the images and ideas that these characters and plots bring are harmful to the viewers' dignity.  The message mainly being: "it is okay to use your body or another's body to get what you want".

How narcissistic is that?

The old admonition, "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" rings true today. As a society, we have seen/heard/spoken so much evil that immodestly and lust are not viewed as "harmful". Yet, there are so many more divorces, unfaithfulness/betrayal, broken hearts, insecurity, and suicides, because people long for love, but don't know what it looks like or how to give it.

Lots of money is spent on vanity. How does our hair look: are they cut/styled "cute", the right color? Are there blemishes/wrinkles on our faces? Can we walk outside without the perfect face? Who is it that we are trying to impress? Is it one person? Is it everybody? How insecure are we? How much do we value how others judge us? What image are we trying to sell?

Sure, some people may seem more willing to accept, flatter and flirt with us if we fit a modern "sexy" profile.  However, will this attention go away when we turn 40, when we gain weight, or are surrounded by others who exceed our sexiness?

Probably.

When love/value is measured by sexual attraction and not by integrity, commitment and values; it is often short lived and the person actually seeking love is hurt.

This is because the person(s) that we try to attract are shallow.

Likewise, if if we base our relationships on outward projections instead of responsible action, we are the shallow ones. If we don't value others for their character, personality and goals in life, why are we with them and what does that say about us?

Everybody wants "to ride off in the sunset and grow old together".

However, this ideal is not served on a platter. It takes integrity of individuals that includes unconditional commitment  -- something that extends way beyond external beauty.

Is the person you are with have a wandering eye? Do they invest in your hobbies or just your body? What are you selling to your "lover"? Or are you secure with yourself and with how he/she sees you? If he/she knew all your flaws, would they stay or flee? Vice versa would you flee?

How much does lust play in your judgements?

LUST vs CHASTITY

While all capital sins are addictive or have addictive qualities, they also are a perversion of something good.

Lust is a perversion of love, in particular, it is a perversion of marital love.

Surprisingly, many believe that in marriage it is okay "to lust".  Outside of marriage lust is "bad", but within marriage it is "good".  This is not actually the case.

Lust is always an objectification of something. In marriage if one lusts after his/her spouse, he/she is looking at the other as on object of pleasure. It is an attitude of "what can you do for me" vs. "what can I do for you".

Love in marriage is always selfless.  It is a giving of oneself to another freely, and never "using" the other. Love is mutual expression. Lust is individual gratification.

New Advent, a Catholic encyclopedia, says this about lust: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09438a.htm
  

The wrongfulness of lust is reducible to this: that venereal satisfaction is sought for either outsidewedlock or, at any rate, in a manner which is contrary to the laws that govern marital intercourse. Every such criminal indulgence is a mortal sin, provided of course, it be voluntary in itself and fully deliberate. This is the testimony of St. Paul in the Epistle to the Galatians, v. 19:

"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are fornication, uncleanness, immodesty, luxury, . . . Of the which I foretell you, as I have foretold to you, that they who do such things shall not obtain the kingdom of God."

Moreover, if it be true the gravity of the offences may be measured by the harm they work to the individual or the community, there can be no doubt that lust has in this respect a gravity all its own... Lust is said to be a capital sin. The reason is obvious. The pleasure which this vice has as its object is at once so attractive and connatural to human nature as to whet keenly a man's desire, and so lead him into the commission of many other disorders in the pursuit of it. Theologians ordinarily distinguish various forms of lust in so far as it is a consummated external sin, e.g., fornication, adultery, incest, criminal assault, abduction, and sodomy. Each of these has its own specific malice--a fact to borne in mind for purposes of safeguarding the integrity of sacramental confession.

Of chastity, the virtue opposed to this vice, New Advent says: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03637d.htm

Chastity is the virtue which excludes or moderates the indulgence of the sexual appetite. It is a form of the  virtueof temperance, which controls according to right reason the desire for and use of those things which afford the greatest sensual pleasures...Under Christianity chastity has been practiced in a manner unknown under any other influence. Christian morality prescribes the right order of relations. It therefore must direct and control the manner of relationship sustained to each other by soul and body. Between these two there is an ineradicable opposition, the flesh with its concupiscences contending unceasingly against the spirit, blinding the latter and weaning it away from the pursuit of its true life. Harmony and due order between these two must prevail. But this means the pre-eminence and mastery of the spirit, which in turn can only mean the castigation of the body. The real as well as the etymological kinship between chastity and chastisement then is obvious. Necessarily, therefore, chastity is a thing stern and austere. The effect of the example as well as of the words of Our Saviour (Matthew 19:11-12) is seen in the lives of the many celibates and virgins who have graced the history of the Christian Church, while the idea of marriage as the sign and symbol of the ineffable union of Christ with His spotless spouse the Church — a union in which fidelity no less than love is mutual — has borne its fruit in beautifying the world with patterns of conjugal chastity.

Links to help the sexually addicted & to prevent sexual addiction in youth:

http://sexrespect.com/about.html

http://dads.org/article.asp?artId=237