SLOTH vs. DILIGENCE - Day 6

"The Servant of Charity must go to bed each night so tired from work that he will think he has been beaten." St. Louis Guanella

Your Life Story - What Does It Say About You?

I just saw Les Miserables in the theaters. Shamefully, I have never read the book nor was I very familiar with the content. Entering with no bias, I walked out satisfied and inspired. 

Coupled with this short clip, 

and the advent of New Years, I have decided that I must do better. 

In Les Miserables each character was unique in his/her individual purpose, but none was devoid of suffering. In sorting through the sadness and injustices of life, each life became more defined by choices made in moments of desperation, love, hate, purposeless, and mercy. Each longed for something external to his/herself and gave oneself entirely to it.

It moved me to ponder what it is that I have dedicated my life to? What is it that I serve? Am I serving it well? What truth do I seek? And in loving others do I see the face of God?

My now and my tomorrow resolution is to do better on two accounts: 1) To treat every person in my presence as the most important person.This will require patience and much charity. 2) To learn how to recognize God everywhere and learn how to consciously untie all my moments with Him; now is all I have. If I don't give Him my nows, when will I ever? This will require silence.

My life is a story that God has put into motion according to His Goodness and Mercy. Do I freely chose to partake in it well or do I rebel? Will I hear those coveted words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant"?

LUST vs. CHASTITY - Day 3

I am not at all surprised that men and women today are treated as sexual objects, as Disney princess, Jasmine, says, "prize(s) to be won".  Many individuals today are surprised when they are used or disrespected; but a simple reflection on their dress and attitude may reveal why.  Sometimes blatant, and sometimes very subtle, we live in a society where "love" and "sex" are used interchangeably.  Many people falsely assume, that if they are are viewed by others as "sexy" they have value; they are loved. If they are sexy, they will be rescued. This is one of the biggest lies out there.

Unfortunately, it is being perpetually propagated in the media from 'family' movies to x-rated movies, where the main guy and girl are stunningly gorgeous and usually dressed to accentuate the curves/muscles. These movies include scenes that supposedly are humorous, that bring attention to the body, to prove the characters are in love, and/or use the body to accomplish "the mission".  Though these works are often completely "fictional", the images and ideas that these characters and plots bring are harmful to the viewers' dignity.  The message mainly being: "it is okay to use your body or another's body to get what you want".

How narcissistic is that?

The old admonition, "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" rings true today. As a society, we have seen/heard/spoken so much evil that immodestly and lust are not viewed as "harmful". Yet, there are so many more divorces, unfaithfulness/betrayal, broken hearts, insecurity, and suicides, because people long for love, but don't know what it looks like or how to give it.

Lots of money is spent on vanity. How does our hair look: are they cut/styled "cute", the right color? Are there blemishes/wrinkles on our faces? Can we walk outside without the perfect face? Who is it that we are trying to impress? Is it one person? Is it everybody? How insecure are we? How much do we value how others judge us? What image are we trying to sell?

Sure, some people may seem more willing to accept, flatter and flirt with us if we fit a modern "sexy" profile.  However, will this attention go away when we turn 40, when we gain weight, or are surrounded by others who exceed our sexiness?

Probably.

When love/value is measured by sexual attraction and not by integrity, commitment and values; it is often short lived and the person actually seeking love is hurt.

This is because the person(s) that we try to attract are shallow.

Likewise, if if we base our relationships on outward projections instead of responsible action, we are the shallow ones. If we don't value others for their character, personality and goals in life, why are we with them and what does that say about us?

Everybody wants "to ride off in the sunset and grow old together".

However, this ideal is not served on a platter. It takes integrity of individuals that includes unconditional commitment  -- something that extends way beyond external beauty.

Is the person you are with have a wandering eye? Do they invest in your hobbies or just your body? What are you selling to your "lover"? Or are you secure with yourself and with how he/she sees you? If he/she knew all your flaws, would they stay or flee? Vice versa would you flee?

How much does lust play in your judgements?

When It Hurts... I Remember That Jesus is the Reason for My Commitment

It's really easy to fall into a dark gloomy place where you feel sorry for yourself, question all your actions, and wonder whether you can ever trust another human being. It is during these moments that it seems that somehow every one disappoints you in some way, including yourself.

This is the place where I have been in the last two weeks. As this relationship was obviously getting worse and worse, many people came forward saying how they knew that this person would be trouble or this and that. Yet, they also at the same time, supported the relationship by their other actions, words and silence... so in regard to where they truly stood, I am confused and probably always will be.

At first, I just wanted to stay in the fetal position and cry. I really care about this person and wish that our differences could be miraculously reconciled. However, at this point in time, it seems that this will NEVER be the case.

As I look back at all the pain in the relationship, I wondered whether it was all just a big FAT mistake. Should I have ended our friendship at the first sign of trouble?

Instinctively, I said "YES!!!!!!!! There was tooooo much conflict. I was so stupid to give this person chance after chance."

But then I thought about, "Why did I do that? Why would I continue in a relationship that wasn't mostly peaches and cream?"

Well, first of all, I am not perfect myself. I wasn't always the angel or the victim. I caused some of the  damage. If I expect to be forgiven and shown mercy, I must give forgiveness and shower mercy.

But the most important reason was because this person challenged me to love in a way that nobody else ever had. Nobody else challenged me to love unconditionally. It's easy for me to love those who are regularly there for me. Yet, what about a person who often disappoints or purposely hurts me? Well, to love someone unconditionally means to love WITHOUT RESERVE.

In other words: "Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor....Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it doesn't rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."  1 Cor 10:24, 13:4-8

Every time I said, "That's IT. I have had ENOUGH!!!!!!" I remembered Jesus' call to love one's enemy.  I thought it over and literally asked myself, "What would Jesus have me do?  What do I believe Jesus is asking of me in this moment and with this person?" I don't always do this with everybody. Yet, I am deeply called to do this time and time again for this person. My inner conscious says to keep trying... to keep loving.

Despite our many differences, I believe that this person was brought into my life for my sanctification. This person has taught me how to live my faith, not just preach about it. This person has taught me that I must comfort my Savior.  I learned what it means to always be completely responsible for my own actions. No matter what anybody may say or do to me, it is my duty as a Catholic Christian to respond with love and forgiveness. I also learned that every sin, big or small, has consequences. No sin stays secret, it's effects will creep up and manifest themselves in some way. And one can't hide or "fix" a sin by committing another one. Rather, I learned that once you catch yourself in a sin, you need to snuff it out as quickly as possible by confessing and repenting. One sin of mine can seriously harm another...
 
In these realizations, I began to experience what Christ is actually asking when He said,"take up your cross and follow Me", "turn the other cheek," and "whatever you to to the least of your brothers, you do to Me."  Good or bad, whatever I do to another, I do to Jesus.  Thus, in these experiences, I learned that the love that Jesus asks of me is proved by my patience, humility, forgiveness, mercy and gratitude in my interaction with others.

Thus, if I take Jesus' words at face value in all the gospels, I am called to love every one with an unfailing love. The individual that I am currently struggling with taught me this very very clearly. I learned that everything I do is a choice.  Do I chose to love? Or, do I chose to sin? Do I say "fool!" to those who make me angry? "But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgement. Again anyone who says to his brother, "Raca' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Matt 5:23  Thus, these are the only two options: love or sin. (Failure to keep a commandment of God is what sin is... and the greatest commandment is the twofold love of God and neighbor.)

If I did chose to love and was betrayed, I can still be secure in my decision because that was the greatest action I could have chosen.  If I chose to love, but somehow messed things up, my motivation was still rooted in the right place. I may have lacked a element necessary for a pure love -- true charity, but if I am sincerely trying to love like Christ, I am improving. Hopefully, with each advancement, I'll become "perfect as my heavenly Father is perfect". In loving, I lose nothing. In not loving, I lose my soul.

So.... instead of bemoaning my past and living in the pain, I am making the choice to focus on the fact that the highest form of love is not an emotion, but an act of the will. Although, I don't feel like loving, I still can. My actions aren't slaves to my emotions.

Looking back, I don't regret loving this person and being in this person's life. I do regret the moments in which I completely failed: where I lost my cool or did stupid things because of my lack of virtue, in particular, prudence. It was always my goal to love this person as Christ loves me, and because this was one of my main goals, I can forgive myself for all that haunts me in this relationship.

I still love this person and I will continue to love this individual. It was a choice I made a long time ago.

If you are this person...know that I am praying for you and wish upon you every happiness. Also, know that I deeply regret all my actions that offended God and you. It is never too late to reconcile.

"You can never fall too hard, so fast, so far, that you can't get back when you lost where you are. It's never too late, so bad, so much, that you can't change who you are." (Unspoken, Who we are)

Maybe we will never completely heal in this time on earth, but it is my greatest desire to meet you in heaven where we can glory in the Blessed Trinity for eternity -- this is the only thing that matters. May God bless you wherever you are and whatever you are doing. I love you.

Gratitude

With the recent holiday season and advent of a fresh new year, I am reminded of the importance of gratitude as a vital part of my character.

This goes further than simply saying that I ought to be "thankful" for everything in life.  Instead, I am interested in the virtue of gratitude and what it entails. In particular, how it follows from humility and how it is a precursor for forgiveness.

Gratitude is a vital virtue. It is fundamental to holiness.  Rev. Ronald Rolhesier, OMI expresses that "at the age 75 you need to only have one word left in your spiritual vocabulary, gratitude, and that maturity is attained precisely at that moment when gratitude begins to drown out and cauterize the hurts in your life...Just as smoke follows fire, forgiveness follows gratitude. Gratitude ultimately undergirds and fuels all genuine virtue, is the real basis of holiness, and the source of love itself."  - Taken from June 3, 2011 issue of the Tidings 

While I agree with the Reverend, I would like to add that humility alone precedes even this virtue and allows for the development of gratitude.

One example that I think illustrates this clearly is "pickiness".  When I go over to somebody's house and refuse to eat what they have prepared for me, or pick around everything, it is because not only am I not truly thankful for the hospitality, but I lack a certain humility. It is pride that says, "I refuse to eat this." Pickiness that comes simply from the will, I believe is prideful.   

Another example of pride is not thanking a gift-giver, host, the person who opens the door for me at the mall, etc... While the latter is obviously a tiny sign of ingratitude, or unthoughtful behavior, I think that even this minute lack of action stems from pride: "that person is not worth the time it will take me to give an expression of gratitude to."

We are all called to a twofold charity: love of God and love of neighbor. What is love of neighbor? At its most basic, I think it is acknowledging the existence of the people around us in a positive way.  If this is so, and if not acknowledging a person when I encounter him is a sin against charity, then failing to be grateful to someone who has extended himself for me is a sin against gratitude. I heard a priest once say in a homily that the one sin that is rarely confessed is the sin of omission, that is, for all the good things failed, forgot or deliberately avoided.

The reason that the virtue of gratitude is acquired by being humble is because in humility, I realize that I am not owed anything (click here). Gratitude is anti-cultural as it goes against the highly individualistic attitude of "my life is all about me" and "these are all my rights".  Once this attitude is dropped, I am more able to accept everything as a grace, a gift, as opposed to "what is owed to me". 

With true humility, gratitude no longer is forced: "ok, let me stop and count my blessings";  instead it is lived. Counting the blessing occurs as the blessing happens. This awareness that everything is a gift, provides more joy in my soul and provides true peace.

Forgiveness follows from this because the awareness that I am really nothing, enables me to see that I am not better than my neighbor. "Yes, his offense against me was hurtful, but I am not better than him. I have hurt others also." If, I wish for the gift of forgiveness for my errors, I realize I must also give it.  The more humble I am, the more grateful I become, and it becomes easier and easier to forgive.

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Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.
— Aesop (620-550 BC), Androcles

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.
— Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 BC-43 BC), Pro Plancio (54 BC)  

If I only have the will to be grateful, I am so.
— Seneca (8 BC-65 AD) 

No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks.
— Saint Ambrose (340-397 AD), De Spiritu Sancto

And as it is the most generous souls who have most gratitude, it is those who have most pride, and who are most base and infirm, who most allow themselves to be carried away by anger and hatred.
— René Descartes (1596-1650), Passions of the Soul (1649), CCI  

Thanksgiving is good but thanks-living is better.
— Matthew Henry (1662-1714)  

He enjoys much who is thankful for little; a grateful mind is both a great and a happy mind.
— Thomas Secker (1693-1768), Archbishop of Cantebury  

Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation; you do not find it among gross people.
— Samuel Johnson (1709-1784),
     Boswell's Tour to the Hebrides (1785) [Sept. 20, 1773]  

If gratitude is due from children to their earthly parent, how much more is the gratitude of the great family of men due to our father in heaven.
— Hosea Ballou (1771-1852)  

Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart.
— Henry Clay (1777-1852) 

Postal officials say that before Christmas they receive tons of letters written to Santa Claus, but after Christmas how few letters of thanks are sent to him! From childhood onward, human beings seem to be characterized by thanklessness.
— Robert E. Lee (1807-1870)   

Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soul out of which thanks naturally grows, A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he gives.
— Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)  

Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.
— John Henry Jowett (1864-1923)  

A true Christian is a man who never for a moment forgets what God has done for him in Christ and whose whole comportment and whose activity have their root in the sentiment of gratitude.
— Jacques Maritain (1886-1960), A Diary of Private Prayer (1936)  

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.
— Eric Hoffer (1902-1983), Reflections On The Human Condition (1973)  

One can never pay in gratitude; one can only pay "in kind" somewhere else in life.
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906-2001), Listen! the Wind (1938), Ch. 19  

The best way to show my gratitude to God is to accept everything, even my problems, with joy.
— Mother Teresa (1910-1997)  

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?"
— William A. Ward (1921-1994)  

http://www.wisdomportal.com/Gratitude/Gratitude-Quotes.html