I have heard that I should only forgive my transgressor if he/she meets certain qualifications that determine that he/she is worthy, such as remorse, responsibility and reparation. If I forgive, without these "signs" being displayed, it seems that I am just setting myself up to be hurt again. I am making myself weaker, right?
In choosing not to forgive, I, however, am doing something wrong too. I am allowing bitterness to swell up inside me and take root there. I am adding personal internal misery to my pain. I am dying twice: once from the hurt, secondly, by keeping a tight grip on this hurt.
In debating whether or not to release my just anger and let go of the only control I have over this person, I have become certain in what the right thing to do is.
It's not about whether this person deserves it.
It's about what not forgiving is doing to me. By holding on to what I think is a most grievous injustice, I am keeping the hurtful past in my head and heart; the pain is in my present and in all my projected tomorrows. Not forgiving also prevents me from thinking charitably towards this person, and thus, affects some of my behavior.
Forgiving is not the same thing as reconciling. Forgiveness is one sided; whereas, reconciliation involves both parties doing the right thing. In forgiving, I am doing the right thing. I am letting go of my victim-hood/anger/hate. This does not mean things have become rectified; my offender will still have to show remorse and responsibility in order for a healthy reconciliation to happen. Nevertheless in forgiving, in letting go of the desire to punish, I am opening my heart - as hard as it is- so that the opportunity is there for reconciliation.
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"Father forgive them; for they know not what they do." - Luke 23:34
"Then Peter came up to Him, "Lord how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." -Matt 18:21
"And in his anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. So also My heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." -Matt 18:34-35
"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."- The Our Father
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Audio talks on forgiving: Fr. John Riccardo
Music Video on forgiving: Matt West: Forgiveness , Chris August: 7 x 70
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